Moving on

I've had this blogger for about two years now, but I believe it is about time to finally move on. To all my beautiful and faithful followers, I am sad to inform you that I will be officially moving my digitized thoughts to another blog site (tumblr). My new blog will be compiled with my most inner thoughts, a treasure field into my mind for anyone who finds it. As my life has become more complicated, so too have my thoughts. In a final and official gesture of departure, I bid you adieu Blogger.

Thanks for everything,
Daniel Jae Kang

Beauty Sleep

I haven't felt this sleep deprived since well... the moment I was born. This is going to be one hell of a week and I'm only half way through.

The Emotive

I don't know you.
And I don't want to.
But I have something I'd like to say.
I hope you took a five-minute break from playing call of duty today just to tell her how much you love her.
I hope you picked up the least rotten flowers at the gas station that you work at just to surprise her for a change.
I hope that when she pours her heart out to you you're not just nodding your head and saying uhhuh.
I hope that you're everything I couldn't be.
I hope you see that even stumbling she has more grace and elegance than a boy like you could ever hope to comprehend.
I hope you treat her right.
I hope you know that she's always loved it when you bite her bottom lip.
The stupid say a girl is made in her hips but the truth is in her eyes.
I hope you know they're green.
I hope you know that she's not a morning person, drinks her coffee black, speaks art like her first language and took sailing lessons just to see the other two-thirds of the world.
She robbed every bar in the city with just her smile.
I don't claim to be an expert.
But I'd be a fool not to know that she squeezes her toothpaste from the bottom because she's always planning ahead.
She doesn't smoke or drink because she'd rather read in bed.
And I'd give anything if I could just be her man instead.
I hope you know that.
I hope you know that her favorite color is white.
She's captivated by firework light.
And you will never have an unnecessary fight because she
She is as patient as a flower in winter.
And when she springs
I hope you're ready.
Because she can set your soul on fire with just a touch.
Now this may be a bit much for you to manage.
But I guess those are the struggles of having the personality of a cabbage.
So let me break it down for you.
I thought I was having a heart attack the day I first saw her.
My heart was as rhythmic as a child banging on pots and pans.
Because she
She is dynamic.
Love at first sight is an understatement.
No, to me
She is all five senses.
Ground and blended, she is more potent than the most copious amounts of caffeine.
She will keep me up for days.
And I spend those nights thinking about how she came into my life, took my hand, drew me close and whispered something in my ear that I'll never forget.
She said
I love you.
I love you for the words you give me the strength to say and
The songs you give me the audacity to play.
I love you for the way you send my heart aflutter.
The way that no other can possibly make me feel because you
You make me want to dance.
And so I took that chance.
I leapt in as uncertain as I was about my dreams.
Only knowing that this
This was real.
So when I tell you that I hope you know what you're doing
I sincerely mean it.
Because I hope you know that if you play with her heart
You'll lose her.
I hope you know
Because I wish
I wish that I had.


Words are nothing in the absence of emotion. They can be read, they can be recited, but few can really deliver the feelings behind words printed on paper.

A morning in Valencia

There really isn't much to do around here in the morning. Most of the stores, besides the coffee houses, are closed, and I know it's crazy, but coffee is the last thing I want right now. 8 o'clock is way to early for me. The birds aren't even out yet. Anyways, I've decided to sit on a bench that also happens to face a waterfall/ fountain. It's a cheap, romantic getaway for any man who doesn't feel like paying much. If you close your eyes and ignore the sound of the speeding cars in the background, it actually sounds like a real waterfall! There are also a few rose bushes, all so that a man can effortlessly pluck one out and offer to his lady, along with some cheesy, but maybe true, romantic compliment. There's even a small bridge overlooking just as small pond. I probably look like a loser right now, sitting on a bench by myself whilst gazing upon a waterfall. All I need is that single teardrop to fall down my cheek and the scene would be perfect.

I am my own experiment

"Change and growth take place when a person has risked himself and dares to become involved with experimenting with his own life." Herbert Otto

This is why I love adventures.

Isn't that fantastic? A person who has risked himself and dared to become involved with experimenting with his own life, trusting himself. To do this, to experiment with your own life, is very exhilarating, full of joy, full of happiness, full of wonder, and yet it's so frightening. Frightening because you are dealing with the unknown, and you are shaking complacency.

The Animal School

The animals got together in the forest one day and decided to start a school. There was a rabbit, a squirrel, a fish, and an eel, and they formed a Board of Education. The rabbit insisted that running be in the curriculum. The bird insisted that flying be in the curriculum. The fish insisted that swimming be in the curriculum, and the squirrel insisted that perpendicular tree climbing be in the curriculum. They put all these things together and wrote a Curriculum Guide. Then they insisted that ALL of the animals take ALL of the subjects. Although the rabbit was getting an A in running, perpendicular tree climbing was a real problem for him; he kept falling over backwards. Pretty soon he got to be sort of brain damaged, and couldn't run any more. He found that instead of making an A in running, he was now making a C, and, of course, he was always making an F in perpendicular climbing. The bird was really beautiful at flying, but when it came to burrowing in the ground, he couldn't do so well. He kept breaking his beak and wings. Pretty soon he was making a C in flying as well as an F in burrowing, and he had a hellava time with perpendicular tree climbing.
The moral of the story is that the person who was valedictorian was a mentally retarded eel who did everything in a half-way fashion. But the educators were all happy because everyone was taking all of the subjects, and it was called broad-based education.

New Goal(s)

Life is boring and routine. Learn something new every day. Do something new every day.

• life is boring and routine
• wake up --> go to class --> eat --> study --> go to club meeting --> sleep --> do it all again
• same thing every. single. day.
• walk in a circle for four years
• Learn something new every day
• correction: learn new things every day
• new knowledge in class and outside
• someone I don't know
• skills of life
• Do something new every day
• let's keep it PG-13
• socialize with new people
• possibly adventures
• talk to friends I haven't kept in touch with

*Note: actions not limited to items above

I had a dream #3

Last night's dream...
I was arguing with my dad. Arguments are very rare in my life, but this one was very fierce. Dreams tend to be very obscure and blurry, so I couldn't tell whether we were fighting over having the courage to call someone or about a flashlight. At any rate, I stood up to my dad, which is also something I've never done. After our heated fight, I began to cry at how stupid our argument was. Why the hell were we arguing about a trivial item like a flashlight? Were we really going to ruin our relationship over something so minuscule? As tears began to flow from my eyes, I left the room.

When I woke up, it was 9:59 am. I was going to be late for my 10:00 class.

In Geisel Library

Listening to podcasts on how the eye contributes to psychology can eventually become quite boring after the first 10 minutes, so staring out the 7x5 feet windows I currently sit next to can become an amusement to me.
There is an enormous, constantly moving fog that has blanketed the entire campus. It's like God set off a giant fog machine right over this school. Maybe it's the fact that Geisel's design structure was used in the movie, Inception, but staring at the fog provides this sort of mysticism to this place. The fog tumbles and rolls around, bouncing off the many walls that surround this library. If you did not know, Geisel's design structure was used in the third dream level of Inception, the place filled with snow. I can imagine Leonardo DiCaprio running through these very halls and crashing through the windows. Strangely enough, this image make me want to jump out of a window too. So my point is, I am extremely bored. I do not want to study for my biopsychology midterm tomorrow, but I am getting off tangent now.

Laugh at myself

I'm in such a pitiful state right now. I can't tell whether what I feel is stress or depression. It could possibly be both. Starting off the school year with late night chats that went well into the mornings might have not been the wisest thing to do, given that I have 10 a.m. classes almost every day. Fixing this habit, good or bad, seems to be taking it's toll on me. Setting a curfew has been beneficial to me, but waking up at 7 a.m. is something my body has not adjusted to. Being alone in my dorm room is something I simply detest. The solidarity and loneliness this room brings is something I am not comfortable with. The feeling of being, simply put, free is something I long for here, but I cannot. Work needs to be finished, and classes must be studied for thoroughly. How long can I endure this ongoing torture. Look at what I've become, a mumbling fool, full of complaints and whining. I laugh at myself. Where's my mommy? Where is my soft and warm bed? Pathetic. I would spit on myself if my mouth weren't so conveniently attached to my face.

I am praying to God, literally, that I find a way to get through this ordeal. His help is what I desire the most, because there's just no one else I can always rely on..... is there? Migod!! The more I reread this post, I realize just how childish I am. My desire to delete this post is looking very convincing at the moment. Why am I posting this, my inner most thoughts? jeez..... I guess I'll save that for another, adjective-filled post in the near future.

The start of a new life

So, it's not that easy. It turns out that college is actually a bit more daunting that I initially thought; the classes, especially, appear to be quite the challenge. The transition from a small, private Christian school to the second largest UC in California is no mere walk in the park, but there is one feature, a part of this transition that I overlooked, which is my new-found independence. The ability to control the usage of my time, to walk away from an invitation, to eat or to skip a meal is not what I am familiar with, not at all. The question that runs through my mind is what I am going to with all this time. How can I make the best use of my time? A part of myself wants to run back home, into the safety of my home, but endurance is key. Independence is, admittedly, a scary thought. Where has my confidence gone?...

And so begins the start of a new journey.

To my sister, Christine Rhee version 1

Ever since the fledgling age of five, I've always dreamed of being Christine's flower girl. I imagined walking down a red carpet covered in a white silhouette, throwing a plethora of different colored roses joyously into the air, all the while following the tail of my sister's gorgeous wedding dress, but today I have to give a speech (pause)- a speech about the love my sister, Christine, and my soon to be brother-in-law, Alex, both share for each another.

I first met Alex when I was five, and I admit, he was a bit intimidating. Imagine seeing a tall white man in your house for the first time- it can be quite daunting for a five year old Asian girl. Despite my initial reaction something inside of me told me he was quote unquote "the one" Christine would marry. This feeling I now call intuition was afirmed when I broke a vase, and Alex courageously took the blame for me. I might be thirteen years late but, thank you Alex, and Christine, I'm sorry for breaking the vase.

This is not finished yet

For the remainder of my speech, I could go the usual, cliche route and tell you about when I first met Alex, and how I instantaneously knew he was "the one" my sister would marry, but instead, I will tell you a couple

A day @ Pacific Park Pool

I'm at the local swimming pool. There are so many kids taking lessons here, but one strikes my attention. She's Korean, you can automatically assume many physical attributes, and she's quite large. The way she moves through the water resembles that of a polar bear's swimming. As each paw comes in contact with the water, all you see are pillars of water flying into the air, which simultaneously hit the bystander parents.  Moses himself would grin in appreciation at the sight. Her legs do not kick properly, instead they lunge forward, almost as if they were climbing a horizontal ladder. Her paw just hit another student in the eye. She is caring though. Apologies do not seem to be rare to her, which can be both good and bad. Either way, this girl makes me smile.

Noah and Nathan

Noah and Nathan, the two newest members to the family are brothers, are so different from each other.

I'm not quite sure when, but Noah started talking long before he should have been able to. Noah was also able to solve puzzles with simple ease. At the time, he reminded me of one of those babies who could name the Presidents. In short, the kid is very book smart. He loved watching Toy Story, all of them, and he even started imitating the lines from the movies. I remember him running into our house once shouting, "Howdy! My name's Sheriff Woody!" My dad would then scream back, "NO! You're Mr. Potato-head!" Then, the routine, immature "NO!!" and "YESS!" argument would ensue. He always brought laughter in whatever house he stayed at. He's grown tired of Toy Story, so he's moved on to other Disney and Pixar films like Up and Cars. Despite his growing appetite to be a cartoon character, he is relatively shy and anti social. He doesn't like to talk to other people and he's very protective of his toys. I've seen him and his younger brother, Nathan, fight for toys, in which Nathan would always win.

Nathan, on the other hand, is the compete opposite of his older brother. I believe they're about 2 years apart, but Nathan possesses much more physical strength than Noah. He's notoriously known for breaking things and running through board games. I don't think he can talk yet, but I feel he's going to be quite the stud when he grows up. Sorry Noah. I imagine him growing up to the be star captain of a sports team and getting all the cheer leaders. Luckily, Cousin Daniel will be there to shoo them away.

Sometimes, Nathan and Noah remind me of my brother and I, but I won't delve into that. Until later~

Saying Goodbye

Move on, but do not forget the memories you shared and how your friends changed your life.

I admit it: I miss my Korean friends, especially Pierre and Minnie. We share so many memories together it's almost impossible not to think about them every day. Today, Pierre is a grown man in college, with died hair, and contacts, but I still remember him as the shorter adolescent with black hair, glasses, and who was scolded by his father frequently. It's quite amusing how someone can change so much in such a short time. I'm going to miss his sense of humor and contagious joy. Although I don't have as much past memories of Minnie, I became much closer to her this year, all the more harder to say goodbye. Her innocence, laughter, singing ability, and generosity are irreplaceable. Now that we're in this great age of technology, I can communicate with them; regardless, I still miss their faces. I know what I've said, but I've decided to move on. Dwelling on the past will not help me in any way. Mr. Insensitive has just entered the building and I apologize. A new school year is approaching, and I plan on forming new relationships.

I know that I will miss my friends, and they might miss me, but asldkffasnddsavnweioqaqls. I can't finish this sentence. It looks like I'm much more sensitive than I thought. I wish I could have both friends and school, but I know I can't. I am dreading the day I have to say goodbye for the last time to many of my friends.

Thank you

Dear Diane and Diana,
First of all, I just wanted to say thanks for the most awesomest and amazingest SMT ever. I'm glad I could finish my SMT career with such a great trip.

Diana, if you ever see this post, I want you to know that I despised your rumors, not you, with a great intensity. On a more positive note, you have such a creative and spontaneous mind, although narcissistic, and it still continues to amaze me. I also thoroughly enjoyed experiencing first- hand your infatuation with Aaron and his drums. It would really make my day if you said "Oh My God" for me one more time.You are one heck of a girl and I know that God has marvelous things planned out for you.

Diane. Diane. Diane. I don't know where to start with you. When I first met you, I thought you were a dick, BUT it's not the same anymore. hahaha. I now know that my first impression of you was completely wrong, so please don't be depressed. You are the best partner I could hope for and also a great friend. Getting close to you was something I really enjoyed doing, and SMT is over; therefore means that the "sister" label has been lifted, so don't expect me to be so nice and gracious to you as I once was. Just kidding :)
Ya. I hope that we can continue to keep in touch in college and I WILL visit whenever the opportunity arises so... hopefully, I won't be too busy. Though the distance is far, our friendship will continue to grow ever stronger. I made that up just now. That was inspiring wasn't it? Hahahahah. I crack myself up.

Climbing Mountains

It's not always about how fast you climb the mountain. Sometimes, it's the climb that means the most.

I feel really stupid for paraphrasing a now falling teen pop star, Hannah Montana, but I see what she means. Hiking Echo Mountain has been the most arduous and painstaking task I've ever done since the end soccer season. Did I suffer the entire time I was on that mountain? Yes. When you start to curse the only source of water you carry, a water bottle, because it feels like a lead block, it usually has negative connotations. Would I hike that mountain again if I had the chance? Absolutely YES.

Despite the negative commentary, it actually felt good to get to the top of that mountain. The scene wasn't what I hoped for, but that's not the point. The amount of accomplishment I felt as the boys and I stood in the breeze with our shorts at our knees, and our gloots exposed for the world to see was unparalleled.

I felt so ebullient due to not only my suffering but also because I realized I was capable of so much more. Forgive my dickory, but I feel bad for those who didn't make it to the top. Of course, they tried their best, but I know they could have made it. I really feel compelled to do even more difficult tasks now. If I felt this good from hiking, how good will I feel when I go to Korea? The possibilities are endless.

Through all this, I can't forget the rest of the group. Running ahead of the group allowed me to get to the top faster, but there were some who really needed a companion to talk to. True character shows in difficult times I guess... As I go to Korea, I CANNOT forget about the feelings of others. I now know what I can do, and  the few do not just need a few extra encouragements to make it. The question is -- who will be there to help?

Why I don't

Yesterday, one of my teachers asked me if I had had girlfriend, which seems to be a favorite topic among women. I casually said no, and she proceeded to ask me why. I thought about it, but just smiled back.

I actually thought about her question for some time after that and wondered why. Was it a lack of courage? Was it a fear of women? Then it came to me. In a un-narcissistic way I asked myself: Would I want to date myself? Honestly, I wouldn't. If people knew me the way I knew myself, I don't think I'd have any friends. If I had a girlfriend, how would I be able to treat her well? I don't think I could. I've heard there were maybe one or two girls out there who liked me, and I apologize. As of now, I'm not the guy you're looking for, not until I grow up a bit.

Curse My Simple Mindedness

Think Daniel. Why would they do what they did? Why would they say what they said? Think about it will you?

This Week

There's always that ONE WEEK in school when every teacher decides to give you some sort of important assignment. You always think to yourself, "How the HELL am I going to survive this week?!" But somehow, in the end, you always do. Of course, you never want to experience it EVER AGAIN, but it's always self-fulfilling to know that you can. For me, it's the opposite this week. On almost every day, Sunday through Sunday, I will/had something to do. On Monday, what I thought was going to be a simple movie with my friends turned out to be a long, fun day filled with shopping, karaoke, and soon-tofu. That was just the first day. There are so many more things I am looking forward to this week. I can't wait to see how this week unfolds.