Man v. Machine

Do you ever feel like you're surrounded and you have no escape? That's how I feel about technology, but more specifically, with computers. Just a couple of minutes ago, I was peacefully studying for my exam. Now I am writing this blog. See what I mean? I have this unquenchable desire to drop whatever I'm doing, run over to the nearest piece of technology, and rapidly press all of it's buttons. It might just be curiosity, but it's getting the better of me. This is just ridiculous.
I think I'm going to go on a computer fast. Until I can control my desire to know who's on AIM, the latest news feed, or someone's status , I don't think I'll be on for a while.
Bye.

Facebook.

GO AWAY!! YOU'RE RUINING MY LIFE!! ALNALNALSDFJMGVLKAFDMKANMDAFA;LKJ;AF!!!! 

-Love Daniel Kang

10/9/07

I have never talked about this with anyone. I repeat, anyone. However, I believe it is about time to let my thoughts run free like a gazelle in the African wild. 

On the 9th of October, my cousin, Anna, passed away. I loved her very much. She was like a sister to me. I had spent almost my entire childhood with her, and in less than a week, she was gone. It was her obnoxious, yet lovable attitude that always made my day. I could always tell when she was home. She would always scream with joy and run down the stairs to greet everyone. Laughter would always permeate throughout our family as she was always the butt of our jokes. O the great times.

In a sense, she was almost like a role-model to me. She was so unique and so talented. And I, on the other hand, was quiet and without any unique ability. She was everything I ever wanted to be, but she was just so different. Once she was gone, I strove to take her place, but it was just too much. It was like trying to make two magnets of the same polarity stay together. 

My aunt was a complete mess when Anna passed away. Like every other parent, she cried, and cried, and cried, and cried. Once, I overheard her say that she was afraid to go back home. Just the thought of going back to a place where Anna lived a giant chunk of her life was almost too much for my aunt. Seeing this broke me down. I would have easily taken Anna's place. I simply hate people crying. I hate seeing people in pain. In a sense, you could say that I am a sucker for those commercials that appeal to pity.

One day, someone told me that despite, my family's tragedy, I always looked happy. I looked like as if nothing had ever happened. I was completely caught off guard. I never even realized that I was doing this.At school, I had unknowingly put on a mask to hid my pain. Then it suddenly dawned on me that I had been putting on a mask everywhere I went. I always looked happy and without worries.

I still miss her. I really wish she were here right now.

Roasted Peanuts

As I was casually eating my lightly roasted peanuts while doing my homework, I realized that something felt a little off. Did I forget the one homework that would determine my future? Was I supposed to be somewhere? Was I allergic to peanuts? Luckily, it was none of the above. So what then was causing me this unanswerable distress? As random as it sounds, I realized that it was my grades that was making me worry. Throughout my high school career, I've been able to get nearly straight A's, with an occasional -A or B, with relative ease. Currently, I have, I believe, three B's and four A's. I am aware that it could be worse, but this is not my goal.  It's senior year, so theoretically, it should be easier or the same as junior year. I don't even think I have senioritis yet (hopefully I don't). This may possibly make me sound fatter than I really am, metaphorically of course, but this is a serious issue. I will not end my high school year ending poorly. I also forgot to mention that I have a bet on the line. I get a very good reward if I get straight A's! :)

Which one?

So now that it's senior year, I've been invited to a lot more events than last year, which was 0 because I never had the time. But the worst thing happened to me just recently. All of the events I was invited to were placed on the same freeken day. Come on? Really?
So it turns out that I promised a friend that I was going to her band performance long before I was asked to attend these other events. When I was asked to the other events, I had to decline simply because I had already made a promise. By the way, my little rule is that what ever promise I make first comes first. But then it turns out that my grandma's birthday is also on the same day. The way this is unfolding, I may have to attend my grandma's birthday party instead of the performance, making a total of 4 events on the same day.
So now I'm in a pickle. I could either keep my promise and miss my grandma's birthday, or I could be a jerk and break the promise. I'm also pretty sure I've totally ruined someones's dance by now, which makes me feel terrible.

Last Year!

So this is my last year in high school hu? This is finally it? Wow. Life flies by you way too fast. It feels like it was just yesterday when I graduated from middle school. So, that's not my point. My point is that I want my senior to be awesome!  So I've decided to make a list of things I want to do before I move on to college.

• get straight A's
• go to prom
• go to at least one school event other than prom
• go to the beach with friends
• finish college apps early so I can relax :)
• Eat all-you-can-eat Korean BBQ with a bunch of friends and drive that restaurant out of business
• get more involved with church
• improve lost friendships

90%

I've never felt so much like scum. I am the dregs of trash that contain just the stinkiest, smelliest, most rotten piece of trash you have ever seen. Not a pretty picture huh? Every time I think about my relationship with God, I  compare myself to this. I cannot count just how many times I have broken my promises with Him. Quick fact about myself: I hate breaking promises with anybody. But when it comes to God, I have no problem for some reason. I completely hate when I do this, but I keep doing it like a dog that returns to its own vomit.

This retreat was awesome. I became closer to many of my friends but more importantly, closer to God. During the retreat, I felt like I was not giving God my 100%. I had this little feeling that there was this tiny black spot in my heart that read "RESTRICTED". This was the spot where all my broken promises with God were held. This retreat, I had a lot of time to just to think about my problem and ask God for forgiveness. I'm not sure if that spot is completely gone, but it's definitely gotten a lot smaller. I feel like I can move on and give Him all of my praise from now on instead of moping in the mud.