I had a dream #3

Last night's dream...
I was arguing with my dad. Arguments are very rare in my life, but this one was very fierce. Dreams tend to be very obscure and blurry, so I couldn't tell whether we were fighting over having the courage to call someone or about a flashlight. At any rate, I stood up to my dad, which is also something I've never done. After our heated fight, I began to cry at how stupid our argument was. Why the hell were we arguing about a trivial item like a flashlight? Were we really going to ruin our relationship over something so minuscule? As tears began to flow from my eyes, I left the room.

When I woke up, it was 9:59 am. I was going to be late for my 10:00 class.

In Geisel Library

Listening to podcasts on how the eye contributes to psychology can eventually become quite boring after the first 10 minutes, so staring out the 7x5 feet windows I currently sit next to can become an amusement to me.
There is an enormous, constantly moving fog that has blanketed the entire campus. It's like God set off a giant fog machine right over this school. Maybe it's the fact that Geisel's design structure was used in the movie, Inception, but staring at the fog provides this sort of mysticism to this place. The fog tumbles and rolls around, bouncing off the many walls that surround this library. If you did not know, Geisel's design structure was used in the third dream level of Inception, the place filled with snow. I can imagine Leonardo DiCaprio running through these very halls and crashing through the windows. Strangely enough, this image make me want to jump out of a window too. So my point is, I am extremely bored. I do not want to study for my biopsychology midterm tomorrow, but I am getting off tangent now.

Laugh at myself

I'm in such a pitiful state right now. I can't tell whether what I feel is stress or depression. It could possibly be both. Starting off the school year with late night chats that went well into the mornings might have not been the wisest thing to do, given that I have 10 a.m. classes almost every day. Fixing this habit, good or bad, seems to be taking it's toll on me. Setting a curfew has been beneficial to me, but waking up at 7 a.m. is something my body has not adjusted to. Being alone in my dorm room is something I simply detest. The solidarity and loneliness this room brings is something I am not comfortable with. The feeling of being, simply put, free is something I long for here, but I cannot. Work needs to be finished, and classes must be studied for thoroughly. How long can I endure this ongoing torture. Look at what I've become, a mumbling fool, full of complaints and whining. I laugh at myself. Where's my mommy? Where is my soft and warm bed? Pathetic. I would spit on myself if my mouth weren't so conveniently attached to my face.

I am praying to God, literally, that I find a way to get through this ordeal. His help is what I desire the most, because there's just no one else I can always rely on..... is there? Migod!! The more I reread this post, I realize just how childish I am. My desire to delete this post is looking very convincing at the moment. Why am I posting this, my inner most thoughts? jeez..... I guess I'll save that for another, adjective-filled post in the near future.

The start of a new life

So, it's not that easy. It turns out that college is actually a bit more daunting that I initially thought; the classes, especially, appear to be quite the challenge. The transition from a small, private Christian school to the second largest UC in California is no mere walk in the park, but there is one feature, a part of this transition that I overlooked, which is my new-found independence. The ability to control the usage of my time, to walk away from an invitation, to eat or to skip a meal is not what I am familiar with, not at all. The question that runs through my mind is what I am going to with all this time. How can I make the best use of my time? A part of myself wants to run back home, into the safety of my home, but endurance is key. Independence is, admittedly, a scary thought. Where has my confidence gone?...

And so begins the start of a new journey.

To my sister, Christine Rhee version 1

Ever since the fledgling age of five, I've always dreamed of being Christine's flower girl. I imagined walking down a red carpet covered in a white silhouette, throwing a plethora of different colored roses joyously into the air, all the while following the tail of my sister's gorgeous wedding dress, but today I have to give a speech (pause)- a speech about the love my sister, Christine, and my soon to be brother-in-law, Alex, both share for each another.

I first met Alex when I was five, and I admit, he was a bit intimidating. Imagine seeing a tall white man in your house for the first time- it can be quite daunting for a five year old Asian girl. Despite my initial reaction something inside of me told me he was quote unquote "the one" Christine would marry. This feeling I now call intuition was afirmed when I broke a vase, and Alex courageously took the blame for me. I might be thirteen years late but, thank you Alex, and Christine, I'm sorry for breaking the vase.

This is not finished yet

For the remainder of my speech, I could go the usual, cliche route and tell you about when I first met Alex, and how I instantaneously knew he was "the one" my sister would marry, but instead, I will tell you a couple

A day @ Pacific Park Pool

I'm at the local swimming pool. There are so many kids taking lessons here, but one strikes my attention. She's Korean, you can automatically assume many physical attributes, and she's quite large. The way she moves through the water resembles that of a polar bear's swimming. As each paw comes in contact with the water, all you see are pillars of water flying into the air, which simultaneously hit the bystander parents.  Moses himself would grin in appreciation at the sight. Her legs do not kick properly, instead they lunge forward, almost as if they were climbing a horizontal ladder. Her paw just hit another student in the eye. She is caring though. Apologies do not seem to be rare to her, which can be both good and bad. Either way, this girl makes me smile.

Noah and Nathan

Noah and Nathan, the two newest members to the family are brothers, are so different from each other.

I'm not quite sure when, but Noah started talking long before he should have been able to. Noah was also able to solve puzzles with simple ease. At the time, he reminded me of one of those babies who could name the Presidents. In short, the kid is very book smart. He loved watching Toy Story, all of them, and he even started imitating the lines from the movies. I remember him running into our house once shouting, "Howdy! My name's Sheriff Woody!" My dad would then scream back, "NO! You're Mr. Potato-head!" Then, the routine, immature "NO!!" and "YESS!" argument would ensue. He always brought laughter in whatever house he stayed at. He's grown tired of Toy Story, so he's moved on to other Disney and Pixar films like Up and Cars. Despite his growing appetite to be a cartoon character, he is relatively shy and anti social. He doesn't like to talk to other people and he's very protective of his toys. I've seen him and his younger brother, Nathan, fight for toys, in which Nathan would always win.

Nathan, on the other hand, is the compete opposite of his older brother. I believe they're about 2 years apart, but Nathan possesses much more physical strength than Noah. He's notoriously known for breaking things and running through board games. I don't think he can talk yet, but I feel he's going to be quite the stud when he grows up. Sorry Noah. I imagine him growing up to the be star captain of a sports team and getting all the cheer leaders. Luckily, Cousin Daniel will be there to shoo them away.

Sometimes, Nathan and Noah remind me of my brother and I, but I won't delve into that. Until later~