10/9/07

I have never talked about this with anyone. I repeat, anyone. However, I believe it is about time to let my thoughts run free like a gazelle in the African wild. 

On the 9th of October, my cousin, Anna, passed away. I loved her very much. She was like a sister to me. I had spent almost my entire childhood with her, and in less than a week, she was gone. It was her obnoxious, yet lovable attitude that always made my day. I could always tell when she was home. She would always scream with joy and run down the stairs to greet everyone. Laughter would always permeate throughout our family as she was always the butt of our jokes. O the great times.

In a sense, she was almost like a role-model to me. She was so unique and so talented. And I, on the other hand, was quiet and without any unique ability. She was everything I ever wanted to be, but she was just so different. Once she was gone, I strove to take her place, but it was just too much. It was like trying to make two magnets of the same polarity stay together. 

My aunt was a complete mess when Anna passed away. Like every other parent, she cried, and cried, and cried, and cried. Once, I overheard her say that she was afraid to go back home. Just the thought of going back to a place where Anna lived a giant chunk of her life was almost too much for my aunt. Seeing this broke me down. I would have easily taken Anna's place. I simply hate people crying. I hate seeing people in pain. In a sense, you could say that I am a sucker for those commercials that appeal to pity.

One day, someone told me that despite, my family's tragedy, I always looked happy. I looked like as if nothing had ever happened. I was completely caught off guard. I never even realized that I was doing this.At school, I had unknowingly put on a mask to hid my pain. Then it suddenly dawned on me that I had been putting on a mask everywhere I went. I always looked happy and without worries.

I still miss her. I really wish she were here right now.